We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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