dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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