So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dicks are not precious.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
