I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
