my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
