Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Randomize
