I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
