oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
