Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
