i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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