I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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