I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
