I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
