508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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