I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
