Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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