And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
