I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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