I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
