apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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