shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
