And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Boobs speak an international language.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
