We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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