How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
