no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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