He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
