Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
