i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
