I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
