guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
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I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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