Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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