Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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