He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
