I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Randomize
