smell my finger.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
