Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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