Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
