I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I deserve this hangover.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
