How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
