Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
