It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
