K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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