I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
