We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
