Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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