P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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