dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
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You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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