His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
