My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
