Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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