considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
