i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
