just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
