So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
