i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
