im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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