that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
