Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
