I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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