i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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