I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
