it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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