I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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