Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
