the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
MIDGETS
????
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
