Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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