So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
