Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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