you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
