I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I believe in your delicious
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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