the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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