I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
