Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
