I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
