okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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