i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
