It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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